Spell Tag Compendium
by Helvetica Ghost
Summary: A collection of one-shots and drabbles posted on tumblr. Pastry Shop AU, Pokemon AU, OFF AU, Gintama AU, teeth-rotting, diabetes-inducing fluff, and more!
1. Snowy Day

Sasuke takes care of the kids while Hinata is off on a mission, only to realize he misses his wife just as much as his babies do.

* * *

Himawari was brooding again.

Sasuke had already tried several strategies prescribed by Hinata to deal with his seven year-old's moodiness.

A walk ("I'm waiting right here until Mama comes home!")

A trip to the park (see above).

A play date with Naruto's kid ("Sorry, teme, kid's sick!")

A hot bath (see first item).

The last resort was an odd one.

"Hey, Hima,"

Mismatched eyes cut sharply into his. "What?" At Sasuke's reprimanding glare, she reluctantly added, "Papa,"

"I bought fruit,"

Himawari huffed and wiggled her toes in her socks. She buried her face in her arms.

"It's sour fruit,"

She perked up a bit at this, eyes suspicious.

"Come on," He held his hand to her. "Get off the floor. Let's go to the kitchen,"

She grumbled as she stood, rubbing her cheek with her sleeve. Sasuke continued onwards as he heard her heavy, dragging steps behind him. Himawari looked about as they walked. "Papa, where is Hie-nii and Tsuki-nii?"

"Out,"

More grumbling. "Everyone leaves me,"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. Where did she get that awful overdramatic streak from? Certainly not from his side.

"They'll be back soon. You can nag at them when they come back,"

"I will!"

"Heads up," he said as he chucked a bag at her head.

"Papa!" Himawari cried. Her face brightened at the contents of the bag. "I thought Mama said that lemons are out of season,"

Sasuke watched in equal parts disgust and fascination as his daughter went about washing and cutting the citrus. Where she got her preference for sour food he didn't know either. Hinata could exclusively survive on sweets and he wasn't picky either way about food. His disgust grew as Himawari dipped the lemon slices in salt before she ate them. It gave him an ulcer just watching her.

But at least she wasn't curled up on the floor, staring out the window and frowning. Being a father had honed in his patience and tolerance for nonsense, but there was only so much sulking he could take.

Himawari had crept into the living room, where Sasuke was sitting at the kotatsu, blanket pulled over his lap. She had her lemon slices and salt in her palm and quietly slid under the kotatsu.

"Ah!" She said, dismayed when salt spilled onto the blanket.

"We have plates, you piglet," Sasuke said and handed her a tissue to clean up her mess.

Himawari just chewed aggressively in response. He sighed. "Mama is going to come back soon so stop being a pain,"

"Not soon enough," she said, bowing her head. He caught the quivering lip and sighed again.

"It's only two more days," He was comforting her as much as he was comforting himself. A week-long mission, a week without Hinata.

Tsukihisa and Hie were old enough to take care of themselves but Himawari was taking Hinata's absence surprisingly badly. She was normally a gloomy kid, something that Naruto took great delight in pointing out as a Sasuke-trait. Himawari was well-behaved and mature, something that made her much easier to deal with than Sasuke could even hope for. She was similar to him, quiet and intense. She even resembled him strongly, having his nose, narrow eyes, and hair color, though she had her mother's pin-straight texture. The messy spikes fell on Hie's head (literally). Tsukihisa wore his hair long, just like Neji had. Hie had Hinata's softer features and Tsukihisa could be mistaken as Neji's ghost. The twins had looked identical when they were young and Hinata could gleefully dress them up in the same embarrassing clothes (little sailor outfits and sweaters with animal ears on the hood were not amongst Hinata's worst offenses) , but once they grew up, the only thing that remained the same was the face. The twins somehow managed to get along despite the differences in personality; Hie was a hot-head, fulfilling the prophecy of his name; eager to please and sensitive, much like his parents had been as children. Tsukihisa was Hyuuga-stoic, blunt and serious. He didn't mince words, something he and his father shared. He was the cool-headed twin and enjoyed quiet pastimes with his mother. Tsuki could easily out-knit, out-garden, and out-cook any man or woman in Konoha. Their differences were complementary – Tsukihisa pulled Hie out of any fight when Hie was too angry to see he was outmatched and Hie softened the blow when Tsukihisa said something rude, though his efforts had only earned Hie all of Tsukihisa's scorned fangirls.

Sasuke stared out the same window that his youngest had been fixated on for most of the week. Hinata worked almost exclusively in Konoha, wanting to stay with the family, but Tsunade needed as many hands as she could out in Kumogakure. He thought he could handle it easily. It was only one week. One week, one week without Hinata. He woke up earlier than she did every morning as usual and couldn't wake her up as he usually did. Some mornings where he was in particularly mischievous mood, he would tickle her nose with her hair and watch her scrunch her face in irritation. If her feet poked out, he would attack until she squirmed awake. Other mornings, he would just keep his face in her neck and squeeze her until he was too heavy to deal with. Hinata would press her small hands into his chest and shove halfheartedly, eyes still closed.

At breakfast, Himawari refused to leave Hinata's arms, her hair mussed and her face sour and sleepy. She was always more difficult in the morning. Sasuke would be finished stretching and would take Hima from her so that Hinata could finish up breakfast. The boys would come in last, Hie's hair sticking this way and that. Tsuki always helped Hinata set the table and Hie teased Hima until she would tackle him and scratch his face. Hinata breezed through the chaos without a hair out of place. She sent the boys off to the academy with their bentos and a kiss on the cheek. Sasuke had to report to the Hokage, so she would send him off with a kiss. Sasuke made sure to commit it to memory, the sunlight touching and turning everything into gold, the lived-in appearance of their home, Himawari at her mother's side, stepping up on to a stool to help her wash the dishes, Hinata's perfume lingering on him, the warmth of her body and her mouth on him.

One week was a long time, he had realized.

"Papa," Something tugged at his sleeve. " _Papa_ ,"

"Hm?" Sasuke focused on the small face staring up at him. He saw the first smile since Hinata left.

"It's snowing!"

Feathery wisps of white fell in the direction of the slanting wind. Sasuke watched in a daze for a moment before Himawari started pulling at him to get up.

"I wanna go outside!"

Himawari's sudden shift in mood was welcome, jarring as it was. Sasuke stood and followed her. By the time he reached her room, she was already in her coat, having trouble with the zipper. She stared at it in frustration.

"Help, Papa!"

"I got it,"

He zipped her up and she grabbed his hand, leading him to get her boots.

"It's settled quite a bit," he murmured.

"There's not enough for a snowman yet," she observed solemnly.

Sasuke watched her play. Himawari looked at her footprints in the snow and shook the snow off of some potted plants. She scooped up enough snow for a snowball and said,

"Heads up!"

He deflected it on reflex.

She frowned. "You're no fun,"

"Tough,"

Himawari went back to playing alone, until two dark-haired figures approached.

"Yo! We're back,"

"Hie-nii! Ow!"

Tsukihisa shot his twin a look, wiping the snow off of Himawari's red nose. "Don't hit her so hard,"

Then he promptly threw a snowball in Hie's face.

Sasuke absently rubbed his arms. It was cold outside, but the sight of his children tackling each other in the snow and shoving snow into each other's face was a heartwarming one.

Hie dumped snow down Tsukihisa's pants.

Aw. How sweet.

Himawari was making a snow angel in the midst of the boys' fighting. She stared up at Sasuke and grinned. "Papa, aren't you cold?"

He shrugged. "Not really,"

She leaned on her elbows, lying on her stomach. "Your nose is pink,"

"So's yours,"

"Papa, Grandfather invited us over this weekend," Tsukihisa said. He shook the snow out of his hair. "We met him on our way,"

"Grandpapa?" Himawari scrambled to her feet and grabbed onto Tsukihisa's arm.

"You know he hates it when you call him that," Sasuke said.

"Yeah," Himawari said with an innocent smile.

"I tried calling him that and he almost Gentle Fisted me," Hie said, rubbing the back of his head as he joined them.

"I tried asking for his permission to marry Hinata and he used the Twin Lion Fists on me," Sasuke muttered.

Himawari was looking to the front, eyes wide. "Who's that?"

Sasuke blinked.

"I'm pretty sure that's-"

"Mama!"

"Hima," A soft voice exclaimed. Himawari had latched onto Hinata's waist and was crying loudly.

"I missed you!" Himawari wailed.

Hinata smiled at her family, hand on Himawari's head. "I'm home," she said.

Sasuke had been bracing himself for two more days of Hima's and his own pouting but it seemed like the source of their despair and happiness had returned.

"You're home early," Hie said, his arm going around her shoulder.

"Mm. Thankfully, the job wrapped up quickly," She said as Tsukihisa put an arm around her other shoulder.

She met Sasuke's eyes, pearly eyes warm and happy. "Hello," she said shyly.

"Hinata," he said. The boys removed themselves and pulled Himawari away.

"They're having a moment," Hie snickered and hugged his twin, puckering his lips at him. "Come here, Tsuki!"

"I'm going to beat you," Tsukihisa threatened and threw him on the snowy ground.

Sasuke huffed, cheeks heating up. He met his son's eyes squarely and said, "Kill him, Tsukihisa,"

"Papa! What the hell? Not the hair, not the hair – "

Hinata's nose was pink, indigo hair blowing over her shoulder. She bit her lip and placed her hands on his shoulders and tip-toed up to kiss him.

The snow was falling, the kids were fighting, and Hinata was kissing him.

When they pulled away, he touched his forehead to hers. "Welcome home."

* * *

 **Some embarrassingly fluffy Sasuhina fluff. It was snowing today so I made some hot chocolate and wrote this.**


	2. Team Shy

Pokemon AU:

Hinata struggles to challenge Sasuke's gym and uses underhanded methods to win.

* * *

It was Hinata's third attempt.

Her breathing was still as heavy as the first time she'd braved the front entrance of the gym. She was shaking, face red and sweaty.

Beside her, Shisa gave an impatient whine.

"Bad juju," she said, slowly crumpling to her knees to hold the Espeon to her chest.

Niya, however, was absolutely delighted. Her flames flickered from blue to ultra violet as she bounced about and cried out in glee,"Wick!"

Samekichi at least was sympathetic to his trainer's plight.

 _"_ _Perhaps we should try again another day?"_

Hinata was nose-deep in Shisa's lavender fur when his voice flashed through her mind. She shook her head. "N-No, no, no, no! I have to f-face my fears!"

The look on the Gallade's face was uncanny to Neji's. Fitting, since Samekichi was once his.

 _"_ _Please breathe, at least."_

Hinata took a gulp of air and choked. "I-" She coughed. "I-I'm totally fine! Roaring to go!"

Samekichi exchanged a flat look with Kiki. With a roll of her eyes, the Gothorita floated over to her trainer, who was now rocking back and forth with Shisa in her lap.

 _"_ _We're going back. This is pathetic."_

Hinata winced and clutched her head. Telepathy was draining, even after all the training and meditation. Two voices in her head was difficult to handle, especially under duress. She was starting to feel dizzy.

Samekichi glared at Kiki. Without another word (spoken or otherwise), the pokemon lifted Hinata to her feet with a gentle hand around her elbow. He shook his head.

"B-But-"

"Gallade," he said with a pointed glance at the pokemon center.

A voice stopped them.

"Are you ever going to challenge my gym?"

Hinata froze.

A man stood at the door. Dark eyes appraised her, patronizing and cold. It was sunny outside, but it was dark where he was. Fitting, she would suppose if she wasn't out of her damn mind. Shadows played across his face. There was a distant cry from the inside of the gym. Her pulse roared in her ears, her heart slamming against her ribcage with brutal force.

One of the first things Professor Kurenai taught her was to trust her instincts, as a trainer and a Psychic-type trainer. Hinata wasn't a Psychic. She couldn't tell fortunes or the future (though more than one Psychic trainer on the road had tried to swindle her with tarot cards and horoscopes).

Rather, she was receptive to telepathy from Psychic pokemon, her instincts were sharper, and her mind could deal with the stress of being around Psychic pokemon. Psychic pokemon were notorious for their strength in battle but also for being difficult to train. Over time, an undisciplined trainer with Psychic pokemon could suffer mental and psychological problems, even brain damage. Having a full, six-player team of Psychic pokemon was exceedingly rare. Only the best of the best could handle it.

Now, her instincts were going wild, demanding that she leave the man's presence immediately.

"Bad juju," she murmured, leaning on Samekichi. "Bad juju,"

The man scrutinized her before a light sparked in his eyes. He sneered. "Oh? A psychic team?"

Niya fluttered to Hinata's side and fanned her flames threateningly.

He smiled a cruel smile as he stared the Litwick down. "A psychic with a Ghost-type. You don't plan on facing my gym with a team weak against dark-types, do you?"

Kiki hissed and latched onto Hinata's side. She stared at Samekichi, blue eyes glowing. They were using telepathy, careful not to let Hinata in. Still, she caught Kiki's snarled, _"I don't like him!"_

Something felt off, worse than it already felt.

"Roll-call!" Hinata shouted in panic.

"Gallade,"

"Gothorita,"

"Litwick,"

They paused.

Then, "Where's Shisa?"

"Here," The man said. In his arms was one struggling Espeon. Shisa hissed and fought, but it was futile.

"Trainer," he said. "Challenge my gym if you want her back."

With a dramatic whirl of his cape, he was gone.

lllll

"The gym leader kidnapped my pokemon!"

"It's not like you needed Shisa for this battle anyway," Kiba said. "Psychic attacks wouldn't do any damage anyway,"

"How cruel," Hinata slammed her fist on her lap. "Would you say the same thing if that happened to Akamaru?"

"No. I would go straight to his gym and kick his ass,"

She heard some shuffling and static before Kiba was shoved out of the screen. Shino appeared on her phone screen and sighed. "I apologize for Kiba's insensitivity and lack of tact,"

"Hey!"

"However, I also recommend challenging the gym," Shino held up a placating hand before she could protest. "I understand that all trainers have a gym that they want to avoid. I went through hell getting through Itachi's gym. Literally,"

She nodded in understanding. Shino's bugs barely made it through the Fire-type leader's gym.

"D-Damn the Uchiha brothers," she said miserably.

Uchiha Itachi was one of the kindest people she'd ever met in her life. He was in charge of the second gym in the circuit, not because he was weak, but because he treated inexperienced, often times younger trainers gently but fairly and never crushed their confidence.

Uchiha Sasuke, however, was in charge of the final gym for a reason; he was ruthless. The League had to request that Sasuke use three pokemon instead of five because none of the trainers could get past him.

He was in the books for single-handedly reducing trainer traffic to Victory Road. He had a nasty personality to boot, and the only redeeming factor he had was his handsome face.

"Miss Hyuuga," Nurse Joy called.

"I'll be there in a minute!" Hinata said. She looked down at the screen and gave a weak smile. "Thank you for listening. I have to go,"

"Good luck, Hinata,"

"Beat his ass, girl!"

 _Click_.

She went to the counter, where Nurse Joy smiled and handed her a tray with a single pokeball in it. "His water supply is back in order, but please be careful and let him rest,"

"Yes. Thank you so much,"

"You're very welcome."

Hinata walked up the stairs to her room. The rooms in the pokemon center were small and designed to fit several trainers in one. Her room had a series of triple-decker beds against the wall and a small communal bathroom at the end of the hall.

Luckily, her room was empty for now. Kiki was preening in the small vanity mirror by the bed, Samekichi was meditating, and Niya was eating some berries.

The pokeball in her hand had grown warm from the heat in her palms.

"Yatagarasu," she whispered. Then she opened the pokeball.

The Starmie's jewel pulsed. "Star,"

He sounded hoarse and sleepy.

"You – You're okay? How are you feeling? Are you hungry? Niya, share some berries,"

"Wick," she whined. She set the berries on fire.

"Sharing is caring!"

"Litwick!" She greedily stuffed the burnt berries into her mouth.

"Star," Yata said softly.

"You sure you're okay?" Hinata set him down on the bed and fussed over the pillows. "I'm sorry for making you overdo it at the last gym. But thanks to you, look at what we won!"

She popped open the case and showed him the badge.

Yata settled against the pillows with a satisfied hum.

Gaara's Ground-type gym had done a number on Yata. Yata was her starter and the strongest player on her team. Even if Samekichi didn't take double damage from Dark-types, he had joined the team later. He was strong, but not as experienced or in sync with her as Yata was.

First was Yata, then Shisa, then Kiki, then Samekichi, and finally, Niya.

She'd found Yata on a blistering hot day in her early days. Then a Staryu, he'd been lying on the shore surrounded by broken pokeball pieces. Evidently, he'd put up a fight against another trainer, but ultimately ended up wiped out and left drying in the sun.

Yata hadn't been any more interested in being Hinata's pokemon, so she'd healed him up and returned him to the sea. She wasn't going to force him to do anything. A few days later, he'd appeared and silently tapped a pokeball open. Yata had mellowed out dramatically since then but still worked in mysterious ways. It made Hinata wonder if Staryu and Starmie really were aliens.

Shisa came as the result of being lost in the forest for several weeks. Someone had been leaving Hinata and Yata berries and mushrooms. That someone turned out to be a cheerful little Eevee. It didn't take much work to make friends with her.

Kiki took a lot of work. She was as thorny and vicious then as she was now. She had sent Hinata and the team to the hospital at their first encounter and they all had the scars to prove it.

Apparently, Kiki had been causing trainers traveling that route grief and was preventing them from progressing. Hinata challenged Kiki again and offered the then-Gothita a compact mirror if she would stop terrorizing trainers. The mirror was a pretty thing, decked out in rhinestones and detailing and had completely suckered Kiki. From then on, part of Hinata's budget went into financing Kiki's need for pretty things.

Samekichi was a gift from Neji. The Hyuuga clan was renowned for its fighters. Figures that Hinata would be the black Mareep that had an affinity for Psychics instead. Samekichi was the offspring of one of Neji's team. Neji had also given her a Dawn stone so that the Ralts would evolve into a Gallade. Gallades were dual-type Psychic and Fighter. The best of both worlds, Hinata thought fondly. As gentlemanly and easy-going as he was, it turned out Samekichi had somehow inherited Neji's overprotective streak.

Last was Niya. Niya was an accident. A happy mistake, Hinata preferred. She needed to get some training done but the only place to do it was at the Haunted Manor. She'd been in a state similar to how she'd been today. Ghosts gave her and her team intense creeps. Niya had slipped into her bag. The Litwick had sniffed out the berries on her and decided that that was good enough deal to join the team.

She felt something at her waist and saw Yata poking her belt, where Shisa's empty pokeball was. "Star?"

" _That punk gym leader took her!_ " Kiki snapped.

Yata's jewel flickered in alarm.

"C-Calm down! You shouldn't work yourself up, not when you're still recovering," Hinata sighed. "We need to strategize."

lllll

 _Options_

Kiki's handwriting was big and messy, but legible enough. Hinata nodded for her to go on.

 _Give up._

"That's never an option," Hinata said gravely and put a line through it.

If she ever wanted her father and her entire family to acknowledge her as a mighty and powerful trainer (which she very much wanted), then she had to complete the gym circuit. "And we're _not_ abandoning Shisa,"

Samekichi gently moved Kiki away from the paper. His handwriting was much neater and very pretty to look at.

 _Add a new team mate._

Niya whined.

Hinata shook her head. She knew as well as the little candle-pokemon that the town was surrounded by mountains and water – a natural fortress.

"I won't have Yata Surfing in his condition and you know Surfing makes Niya sick, even in her pokeball," She chewed her lip, dark brows furrowed. "Who knows how long hiking through the mountains will take? Shisa's probably terrified by herself,"

Niya's candlelight flashed from violet to blue. "Wick, litwick!"

Samekichi nodded and turned to Hinata. "She says we should train,"

"But do any of you learn any new moves that we can use against him?"

At their defeated silence, she crossed that out too.

Kiki shoved Samekichi away and snatched the pen and paper.

 _Seduce the little shit._

"Kiki!" she scolded.

Kiki shrugged and gestured to her trainer's chest. She made more gestures, each one lewder than the last.

"O-Okay, I know," she muttered. Hinata was well aware that it wasn't her sparkling personality that got other trainers to give her a ride via Fly.

Samekichi made a disgruntled noise, ruby eyes glaring at the Gothorita.

 _"_ _Master Neji would not approve of this,"_

 _"_ _Master Neji isn't here,"_ Kiki sing-songed and waved her hand flippantly.

"Even if that worked," Hinata began slowly. "What then?"

Next to the most recent item on the list, Kiki quickly scrawled out,

 _Buy more time, make him go easy on us, make him give us the badge for fre-_

"I want to earn that badge fair and square,"

 _"_ _But on the TV series, Ash won a bunch of his badges without fighting the gym leader,"_ Kiki crossed her arms and pouted.

Samekichi crumpled the paper in his fist. "That's fiction. In real life, there are rules and regulations. The Gym Leader can't just hand them out,"

"Litwick," Niya chirped. "Lit!"

 _"_ _Niya, now is not the time for shopping,"_ Samekichi grumbled.

 _"_ _But Hina-chan's only got training clothes. The only sexy thing in there is her sports bra,_ " Kiki joined Niya and grinned at the view outside. _"This town's got a huge mall!"_

Ten minutes later, Samekichi found himself buried under his trainer and his teammates' shopping bags.

 _"_ _We're buying sexy underwear so be a gentleman and watch our stuff!"_

 _"_ _Kiki,"_ he growled. Yet there he was, sitting at the food court and having a protein shake. He needed to be in top condition for the upcoming battle. And yet, his team was -

"Sorry for the wait," Hinata rushed to him, cheeks pink and eyes bright. She looked oddly determined. She wasn't really going through with this stupid plan, was she?

She pumped her fist. "I-I think I can do this!"

Kiki and Niya hooted in agreement.

 _Master Neji, I apologize in advance for having to lie to you about this._

lllll

Sasuke watched the Espeon as she pounced at his Umbreon. She was sleek and…purple. Most of the trainer's team was purple, now that he thought about it.

"You'll have some baby Eevees at this rate," Mudo was at his shoulder, grinning.

He couldn't remember when the mythical pokemon had started visiting him – or rather, his nightmares. Given the contents of his dreams, he could understand why the Darkrai was so attached to him.

Mudo leered. "Maybe even some baby humans,"

"Get out,"

"Is that how you court human females?"

He ignored him and kept his eyes on the two Eevees. Now Garuda had joined them. The Murkrow gleefully mussed the Espeon's fur with his claws, inciting Tsukuyo's wrath.

There was a soft knock on the door.

"Hm, speak of the devil," Mudo cackled before vanishing. Good riddance.

The knock grew stronger.

 _"_ _Hinata!_ " Shisa cried.

There she was, wearing a short, tight dress, her hair pulled up to show off her elegant neck and - his eyes dropped lower. Before she could notice his wandering eyes, he composed himself.

"Tsukuyo," he said. He patted his lap.

The Umbreon whimpered, but carefully brought the struggling Espeon to him.

Shisa shot Tsukuyo a betrayed look at him and cried out for her trainer.

"Shisa!" Hinata ran forward, but froze halfway at the battle lines. She rubbed her temples. Her face scrunched and tightened in pain.

Sasuke slid gracefully out of his throne and into the battle field. "Will you challenge me today?"

"I will," she said through gritted teeth.

And so it began.

* * *

 **There will be a part two! I wanted to put this up in time for Sasuhina month hehe. I didn't do any revising or editing sorry im a lazy ass.**

 **Notes:**

 **Names:**

 **Hinata's Team**

 **\- Shisa (Espeon) - from Okinawan mythology. They are wards thought to protect from evil and look like a cross between a lion and a dog. Eevees look a lil like cats, rabbits, and prob other cute animals.**

 **\- Samekichi (Gallade) - I took the name from Wadanohara and the Great Blue Sea hahaha. "Same" is shark, which is what I think a Gallade's head-blade thing looks like haha.**

 **\- Niya (Litwick) - Japanese onomatopoeia for smile/grin (niyaniya). I thought it suited Ghost-types, since they tend to be kinda mischievous. Niya is v mischievous.**

 **\- Kiki (Gothorita) - I recently watched Kiki's Delivery Service and I think they have similar personalities (my Kiki is def nastier though lol)**

 **\- Yata/Yatagarasu (Starmie) - three-legged crow from Japanese mythology. Believed to inhabit and represent the sun. Hyuugas tend to have sun-related names so…**

 **Sasuke's Team**

 **\- Tsukuyo (Umbreon) - shortened from Tsukuyomi. We all know what that is. I thought it was fitting since Sasuke's a Dark-type trainer. Also a reference to Gintama's Tsukuyo *cough my queen* fun fact: Tsukuyo's grandma was Sasuke's starter.**

 **\- Garuda (Murkrow) - named after Sasuke's hawk. also part of japanese mythology i believe. another descendent from Sasuke's original team.**

 **(not mentioned in this part but the rest of Sasuke's gym team…[he has his original team, most of whom don't do gym battles anymore {Sasuke started his team when he was a kid so they're kinda old by now}. His gym team is mostly grandkids and new kids]):**

 **\- Chomesuke (Houndoom) - nicknamed Cho. someone abandoned her at his doorstep. fun fact: itachi named her.**

 **\- Sepal (Deino) - a babby dragon. Garuda is her mom basically lol. Given to Sasuke by a breeder friend (Kiba's sister). She is training to be part of his gym team but does not participate in the battle (she's there for the EXP)**

 **\- Satsuki (Tyranitar) - the only one from Sasuke's first team as a trainer that he uses in gym battles bc Satsuki has the most restraint and control. She doesn't really listen to him, which leads to a lot of bickering.**

 **\- Mudo (Darkrai) - from Persona. Mudo is the lowest form of Dark magic. Dark since Sasuke is a Dark-type trainer, etc. BTW Mudo is** ** _not_** **part of his team, but is the legendary pokemon Darkrai who wanders about and visits Sasuke/Sasuke's nightmares that lil shit.**

note - because sasuke caused the pokemon league so much grief with his five-member team, he's on probation with a 3-member team. these five are the ones he's preparing for his gym team once he's off probation.

 **I didn't realize it until I was writing that almost all of Hinata's team are purple (Espeons are lavender, Litwicks have purple flames, Gothoritas are purple, and Starmies are purple). Weird! But purple seems to be associated with Psychics so I guess that's why.**

 **Also, I referenced the Pokemon TV series since Ash THAT CHEATER wins a lot of his badges without even challenging the gym. In this AU, Pokemon is also a TV series about a boy named Ash who, yknow, catches pokemon.**

 **More to come…hopefully.**


	3. Space Cakes

**if you watch/read Gintama, then you probably know which couple inspired this (*cough* i live and breathe by okikagu *cough* watch Gintama *chokes**dies*).**

 **Also, there might be some missing context (the whole alien business) but eh you can read it without it so:**

 **Gintama AU:**

Sasuke is a police officer and Hinata is the alien he's in love with. Though, his courtship methods could use some work…and tact. Awkward!sasuhina ahoy

* * *

"Stalking is a crime, ya know,"

Officer Uchiha Sasuke swiftly straightened from his crouching position behind a trash can and coolly replied, "I'm on patrol. There are reports on illegal aliens working here," He haughtily flipped his bangs out of his eyes. "Let me do my job,"

Naruto sighed. "I can get her number for you. This is pathetic, man,"

"Quiet," he hissed, binoculars perched on his nose. He clenched his jaw. "Did he just touch her?" The enraged Uchiha reached for his gun.

"She was just giving him his receipt! Seriously, chill," Naruto twisted his mouth uneasily. "And put your gun away,"

Sasuke exhaled sharply when she smiled her billion-watt smile at the lucky bastard of a customer. Not only did he get to touch her, but also spoke to her and was on the receiving end of her beautiful smile. Today she was wearing a bright yellow sundress and the same pink lipstick she wore every day. She had also trimmed her long dark hair by half an inch.

Her boss was not as impressed by his report.

"You freaking creep!" Naruto directed an indignant kick at him. "Leave already!"

Sasuke skulked out of the alleyway across from the bakery. If only _they_ weren't working today as well. Ino and Sakura were the kind of fiends who delighted in shrieking his name ("Sasuke- _kuuun_!") when he passed just to watch him freeze and reach for his gun. It was reflex by now having dealt with fangirls all his life.

Naruto found him patrolling - "You were taking a nap! Totally sleeping on the job! Don't hit m- ow!" - yes, patrolling diligently at the park, fulfilling his duties to protect the citizens of Konoha.

The alien and owner of Space Cakes ( _"It's out of this world!"_ ) sat down next to him with heavy sigh.

"I'll throw you a bone," Naruto grinned. "You're my buddy after all,"

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. The first time he met this pain in the ass, Naruto had crash landed on Earth, caused thousands in property damage, and emptied out a ramen shop all in one night. It was lucky thing that stragglers from the Uzumaki planet were rare on Earth.

"I mean, I doubt she'll like you. Hinata-chan likes nice guys," Blue eyes appraised him dubiously. "And didn't you arrest her too? Like, two nights ago or something?"

Sasuke shifted and crossed his arms. "No,"

The incident took place _three_ nights ago.

It had been a week since he'd saw her since he was put on patrol in a different neighborhood.

A miserable week. His temper was quicker than ever. Heads rolled. He even shot someone's kneecaps out in his fury. He even ate the cake his father had been saving in the fridge!

Then he found her crawling in through his window.

It had been a long night of crime-fighting. He'd rubbed his eyes, certain that he'd finally lost it and was hallucinating. He'd had dreams like this before, except they were much naughtier and Hinata wasn't screaming at the sight of his face and falling three stories down.

"I-It was Boss's idea!" She had wailed. "W-We were all playing truth-and-dare a-and they said I had to sneak into your apartment for some reason!"

He was still in shock to see her bounce back without a scratch after her fall. Hyuuga were built sturdier than humans, after all.

Sasuke hadn't cuffed her. Instead he'd said, "You're coming with me," and held her hand. He took his time going to the station. Her palms were unexpectedly callused, but he had enjoyed himself immensely. Holding her hand easily ranked as one of the best moments in his life.

"I-Is this how everyone is taken away?" she'd asked, staring down at their intertwined fingers with bright cheeks.

"For certain cases, yes," he said firmly.

It wasn't the first time he'd taken advantage of Hinata's lack of Earthling understanding many times for his selfish benefit.

"I-I thought this would be scarier," she'd said, sitting comfortably in his office chair.

He'd smirked, sliding her another doughnut. He took a sip of his coffee. "If you listen to those dumbasses again and get arrested again, just make sure to come to me. I'm the one who takes care of you," He waved his finger matter-of-factly. "That's the law,"

 _My law, but whatever._

It was worth it for the cute way she'd started blushing around him after that.

Back in the present, Naruto rubbed some more salt into the wound. "Yeah, yeah, you did! Poor Hinata-chan, she came to Earth to escape from war and violence on her home planet and ends up with some asshole cuffing her and dragging her to the police station,"

"Shut up,"

"And every time you get needy and lonely, you arrest her for no damn reason and keep her at the station for hours and RUIN MY BUSINESS!"

Sasuke sniffed. "As I said, there are illegal aliens working, undocumented-"

He stopped, his mouth going dry and his guts churning like he had diarrhea.

"Oh, g-good afternoon, Boss," she said, her voice soft.

Naruto waved. "Yo, Hinata-chan,"

Hinata glanced at Sasuke with her strange white Hyuuga eyes, cheeks aflame, before quickly dropping her gaze to her shoes. "G-G-Good afternoon, Officer Uchiha,"

He was going to shoot his fluttering heart. He opened and closed his mouth, then settled for an aloof head nod.

For once, Naruto displayed some tact. He looked between the two and leered. With a cheeky expression, he turned to Hinata and said, "Hey, do me a favor, would ya? Sit tight her for a sec and I'll be back!"

She immediately panicked.

"H-Huh? W-Wait, B-Boss, um w-wait!"

"Bye bye!" he hollered. He sent Sasuke a cheeky thumbs-up.

Hinata stood in front of him, brows knitted and fingers tugging at her hair.

"U-Uh…"

Outwardly, he was the picture of cool, calm, and collected. Inwardly, his heart was pounding, his bowels felt like they were going to empty themselves, and his head was spinning.

The weather? Would she think he was boring if he talked about the weather? It was a pretty and warm day, not as pretty as she was – shit, he wasn't going to run the risk of word-vomitting that cheesy line. Work? What if she started talking about her annoying coworkers?

"So," he started. "Got your legal documents yet?

Fuck!

Her fair skin went deathly pale.

No, no wait. He could recover from this. He would recover! He was Uchiha Sasuke. Call him what you want, but call him a fighter, a survivor!

She was fidgeting more, one stupid word away from fleeing.

"I met a Hyuuga once," Ooh, that got her attention. Roll with it. "I arrested him for gang activity,"

Fuck!

She pursed her lips. Her face was pink, though she looked more ashamed than embarrassed. "Unfortunately, I'm not surprised,"

She always had a beautiful, melancholy kind of default expression, but there was more depth to her sorrowful pearl eyes.

"My race is a violent one,"

"You," he said. "You're not like that,"

Her face softened. "A-Ah, yes, I aspire not to be. Earth is very peaceful compared to the Hyuuga planet,"

Hinata bunched her skirt in her hands and looked at the spot on the bench next to him. Her cheeks bloomed red. When she looked at him with wide pearly eyes, he saw the warmth in them and something else.

"Th-That's why I-I admire what you do. Y-You protect the peace here,"

This time, the tips of his ears went red. He averted his eyes, took a deep breath, and said, "It's my job,"

She nodded, a small smile on her face. "Th-Then please keep doing it,"

There was a pause as they both collected themselves. When his ears stopped feeling hot, Sasuke gestured to the spot beside him. "You can sit if you want,"

It seemed like she would refused, but then she mumbled to herself ("Don't throw up, Hinata. You can do it!") and delicately sat down, smoothing her skirt under her. He could smell her flowery perfume and the scent of her shampoo. The proximity was making him light-headed.

He dared a peek at her face. She was biting her lip, fidgeting once again.

"A-Actually," She flickered her white eyes to his, then went back to shoe-gazing. "I-I wanted to ask you something,"

Was it normal to feel like he was going to die via human combustion?

"I-I always see you outside the bakery, but you never come in. I-Is it because," There was hurt in her eyes. "Is it because of me?"

"You're wrong," he said immediately, startling Hinata at the ferocity in his answer. "It's your shitty coworkers,"

"I-Ino-chan and Sakura-chan?" She blinked rapidly. "W-Why?" At his stony silence, she continued. "A-Anyway, if it's not too much trouble, w-would you like to accompany me to um, eat, t-together?"

She looked uncertain as she asked, "Th-That's what Earthlings do, r-right? Y-You go on…dates? Or is it figs? P-Prunes? No, that doesn't sound right,"

He was stunned silent. "Hinata," he said slowly, stare leveled to hers. "You go on dates with people you like. In a romantic way,"

She bobbed her head cutely. Everything she did was cute, he mentally corrected.

"Yes, I know,"

"You…know. And you're asking me on a date,"

Her blush deepened. "Y-Yes. You-You don't have to-"

"I'm going,"

Hinata smiled like the sun parting the clouds. "R-Really?"

Sasuke held her chin and carefully kissed her on the cheek. She didn't have any doubt (or wits) after that.

In the bushes behind them, Naruto clicked his tongue. "Finally,"

Ino growled. "A cheek kiss? After all that tip-toeing around each other? Tch,"

Sakura brushed a leaf out of her hair and smiled. "At least he's cured of his verbal constipation!"


	4. Love is an AT Field

**Pastry Shop AU:**

Hinata has a not-so-secret admirer.

* * *

"Hey, that customer came back to stare at Hinata's ass,"

"W-What!"

"Keep your voice down, pig," Sakura furtively glanced at the handsome dark-haired man sitting on an orange stool, elbow on the counter and palm supporting his chin.

She hummed in thought. "He does look an awful lot at your butt, Hinata,"

Hinata looked aghast, fingers to her lips.

"Is-Is that why he always asks for me?" she said, brows pointed inward in her distress.

Sulking, Hinata said, "I-I thought I was doing a good job at customer service,"

"You're doing everyone service having that booty around," Ino snickered and twirled her ponytail.

"I-Ino-chan!"

Sakura patted Hinata's shoulders reassuringly.

"I'm sure that's a part of why he likes you best. He seems like the type who doesn't like his servers being too chatty,"

"I hope so."

Hinata had a difficult time meeting his eyes as he waved her over. She looked at him through her bangs, fidgeting with the hem of her dress.

"What will you be having today?" she asked softly.

He always stared right at her and it _always_ flustered her. His eyes were… intense. Hinata had difficulty making eye contact with people in general, but it was worse with him.

She focused on her notepad as she scribbled his order - always something bitter. Black coffee and dark chocolate pastry today. Some days he didn't bother with dessert and just sat there, elbow propped on the counter, fingers wrapped around his coffee mug.

She had thought he was just spacing out but according to Ino and Sakura…Hinata blushed as she walked back to the kitchen, her back to him. How mortifying! She would give him the benefit of the doubt that he wasn't looking _there_ , though guys usually did look at her huge -

"-rack! Are you stupid, Naruto? God! Now we need a new cooling rack," Sakura huffed and stomped out of the kitchen, with a mournful _"Sakura-chaaaaaaan_ " following her.

Hinata came back with the pastry and coffee and set it down on the counter in front of him with an uncertain smile.

"Thanks," he said, studying her flushed face.

"Oh, that bastard? That's Sasuke. He's my bestie!"

Sakura raised a brow. "Sasuke?"

Naruto nodded happily. "I told him to stop by the shop. Now look at him, he's a regular!" The energetic blonde pastry chef suddenly became teary-eyed. "He might be a mean bastard but he really cares a lot about my feelings! He hates sweet things, but he always comes by anyway! He's - he's so dedicated! I'm really moved! Really, really moved!"

"Yeah, dedicated to staring at Hinata's goodies," Ino muttered, watching this Sasuke fellow's eyes never leave Hinata's form as she absently wiped down the tabletops, leaning over and bending a bit so the back of her thighs and the skin between her skirt and her stockings* were visible.

From the front, the view was even better.

"Did you know your bestie was an ass man?" Ino asked delicately.

Naruto scrunched his brows, tears gone. "Really? I didn't think he was picky about either,"

"He's not," Sakura remarked flatly as Sasuke deliberately stuck his foot out as Hinata passed.

She squeaked and he swiftly caught her, pressing her chest rather tightly to his.

"I didn't think he liked anything until…now?" Naruto looked on in confusion.

How the heck had the _teme_ managed to spill coffee down Hinata's front? Oh, look, he was helping her dry off! Aww. He really was just a sensitive, squishy teddy bear on the inside. He was being _really_ thorough with her shirt.

"That fucking pig," Sakura hissed in disgust. "He's copping a feel and he's being completely obvious about it!"

"Damn," Ino said, in awe at his brazenness. "Oh wow."

"I'm reporting sexual harassment," Sakura declared and turned on her heel.

"He's a lawyer, Sakura-chan," Naruto shook his head, a comforting hand on Sakura's shoulder.

"Where is the restroom?" Sasuke asked his beautiful and devastatingly flustered waitress. She was so cute.

"Um, it's fine. I can clean myself,"

"Please, allow me to help. It was my fault after all,"

"I-I forgive you, so-"

"Hm, I'm sure there must be some place where we can _discuss_ this in private,"

"Wait, wha-"

"Aw, look at him go," Naruto smiled.

"So we're not going to do anything about this?" Ino said as Sasuke led Hinata into the locker room in the back of the shop, his fingers wrapped around her elbow.

Ino shrugged. "Oh well. He's hot and has a well-paying job,"

"Really?" Sakura deadpanned.

"Hey, look Sakura-chan! Look how huge the dough got. It's the size of my head!" The pastry chef held up the bowl excitedly by his head to show her. "It was _this_ little an hour ago!"

She sighed.

"I think they're doing it," Ino whispered. "I heard some noises from back there. Sexy noises. Hinata's a moaner!" Ino ran back and returned to add, "And she likes to be on top!"

Sakura cleared her throat and went to greet new customers as the bells at the door chimed.

"In that case, Hinata can have cleaning duty today," she said under her breath while smiling brightly at the newcomers. "Welcome! How may I serve you today?"

* * *

 **A/N: haha this was my very first? i think? sasuhina one-shot i wrote on tumblr**

 **i never gave it a title so i made one up just now** (´･ω･`)

 ***The area of skin exposed between the skirt and the sock/stocking is called zettai ryouiki. you've prob seen this a lot with moe characters ESPECIALLY schoolgirl characters. hilariously enough the term originates from neon genesis evangelion, where it refers to a protective energy shield, or "holy area no one can intrude upon." ofc filthy otakus turned it into a term to fetishize female clothing...smh**


	5. Dead Man's Shopping List

**A Beloved Sibling (for day 3 of sasuhina month 2015):**

 **Neji and Itachi peep on Sasuke and Hinata being cute and domestic.**

* * *

"This is the Observatory,"

Heaven was a strange place. It wasn't all white, but there was a dreamy quality to it. There were people – were they angels? - who helped newcomers orient themselves to the afterlife. Presently, the man in front of Neji was one Uchiha Itachi.

Heaven was a strange place, but Neji had been to stranger places in his short life.

Itachi glanced over his shoulder. His eyes were always soft and kind, not at all like what Neji imagined an S-rank ninja to look like.

Itachi smiled gently and gestured for Neji to go ahead.

"I'm sure you would like to see your family,"

At this, Neji's composure fell. Itachi took note of the Hyuuga's raised brows and explained, "You can see them from here,"

"Here" being the enormous circular kaleidoscope window on the floor. There was still that hazy, sleepy, yet calming atmosphere in the room. Neji peered down.

His vision focused and sharpened until it landed on a familiar face.

His chest tightened. He had no regrets about his death. He had died by his own choice, his own agency; a dignified death. It didn't stop the thickness in his throat.

"Hinata-sama,"

Itachi stepped carefully next to the young man, intending to offer words of comfort. Then he looked through the window. His own eyebrows jumped into his hairline. "Ah. If it isn't my little brother-"

"With Hinata-sama," Neji's attention quickly shifted to the man besides her, his teeth gritted.

They were…shopping.

Itachi and Neji blinked at each other. Itachi recovered first with a chuckle.

"Well!"

Neji was planted on his stomach, face smeared in the window, _byakugan_ activated.

"- coupon! And the nice old lady here always gives me discounts," Hinata said, smiling brightly.

"Do you really need that?" Sasuke squeezed a tomato, scrutinizing it for imperfections. He looked at her and muttered, "You're loaded,"

"Mm, but being frugal is life skill,"

"They're…grocery shopping," Neji said in disbelief. "Why would Hinata-sama…with _him_ of all people?" He rubbed his pinched forehead. "She always had too much of a big heart,"

Itachi tilted his head and hummed. "I can't defend Sasuke there,"

They went back to peeping.

Now Hinata was squatting next to an alleyway opening cans of cat food. The neighborhood strays appeared to eat, though many of them were keen on rubbing against Sasuke and trying to climb him. A sly black cat managed to hop onto his head before he pushed it off.

"He secretly likes animals," Itachi whispered. "Cute ones, especially, but he thinks it doesn't fit his image,"

"Hinata-sama, you're going to irritate your allergies!"

Next stop was an apartment.

"An apartment. Alone. With groceries," Neji was quickly turning purple.

Itachi scratched the back of his head and gave a nervous laugh.

"Did you hear that?" Hinata said. She looked up, brows knitted. "I swear I heard Neji-nii's voice,"

Sasuke sneezed.

"Ah! Don't sneeze in the food!"

He took the tissue she offered and sat next to her on the couch. "Should we visit their graves tomorrow?"

Hinata leaned her head against his shoulder. "That's sounds good,"

"They're cute," Itachi said, calmly restraining a murderous Neji. "And they look happy. We should support them,"

Neji broke out of his grip and crossed his arms, still sulking. "Hmph,"

Itachi pushed him out of the observatory before Neji caught sight of their siblings kissing.

He wasn't about to take a Gentle Fist for Sasuke no matter how much he loved his little brother.

* * *

 **aaaah i had to get in on the cute!**


	6. Photo of Zacharie

**OFF drabble:**

 **The Batter takes a souvenir from his favorite merchant.**

* * *

"I am on a sacred mission," Sasuke pulled his hat down to shadow his eyes.

Hinata knew he was trying to look down her shirt again.

She put her frog mask back on when the Batter told her he thought her cat mask was cute.

"I heard you the first time," she said primly. "Show me the color of your credits,"

Sasuke leaned his elbows on her merchant table. "Do I get a discount if I break something?"

"You break it, you buy it full price,"

He narrowed his eyes. "You drive a hard bargain,"

Hinata smoothed her hair as he examined an Emmanuel Bat, her eyes roving over him. He was tall and fitted in a baseball uniform. His bat leaned casually on his shoulder, but she could detect a faint glow on it. The remains of the specters.

With that bat and those cold dark eyes, he had annihilated Zone 1. He had single-handedly massacred the denizens of Zone 1 and its guardian.

Sasuke declared Zone 1 purified.

She declared it mass homicide.

It didn't stop her from admiring the black hair framing his face.

Sasuke placed the bat and some equipment for his Add-On. It was called Alpha, if she remembered correctly. The sentient circle hovered and bore the same specter-glow. It unnerved her, but he couldn't read the unease on her face.

She took his credits as he took his items. He watched her from under his baseball hat. She ignored him.

Sasuke jumped over the table to her side. She started, her eyebrows up to her hairline.

"What-"

"I suppose I can take a break from my mission. I'll make you the exception," he said, eyes dark and dilated.

Hinata clutched her merchandise. "Y-You can't rob me,"

"I wasn't planning to," He stilled her with an arm around her waist, trapping her against his body.

He tore her frog mask off. She registered the look of surprise on his face before he lowered his face to hers.

"The cat mask was cute," he said. "But no mask is cuter,"

It took her a moment to gather her bearings and lunge for her mask. Too bad he was keeping it out of her reach. Stupid height difference.

"I'll never," she huffed and reached up again, aware of their position. "sell you anything again,"

She tried to grab his shoulder as leverage, but she wasn't interested in pushing her chest onto any part of his body.

She growled. "I hope you never find a Luck ticket again,"

Part of her feared what he was doing to the world. Part of her genuinely wanted him to die.

Hinata froze when his hand tangled in her hair. "Ow," she hissed, when he caught his finger in a knot.

"How much?"

She blinked. "For what?"

Sasuke brought the frog mask in front of his own face. "This ugly mask,"

"It's not ugly and it's not for sale,"

A rare smile flashed across his face. "Then I'll take it as a souvenir,"

"G-Give it back. I really won't sell you anything,"

"Wear the cat one then,"

Sasuke tossed the frog mask in the air. He shifted his hand away from the length of her silky hair and passed his hand against her cheek. She wondered if she imagined the sharp, claw-like growth in his nails as they touched her skin.

"Nice face," he murmured.

With that charming departing comment, the Batter hopped back over the table and retrieved his new bat. He tipped his hat to her, smirking at her flustered blush.

"It was a pleasure doing business with you."

* * *

 **a/n: this was on the fly tbh i just wrote this in 10 minutes but I AM IN AN OFF MOOD.**

 **OFF is an rpg maker type game. Hinata is Zacharie, the snarky merchant character who the fandom is in love with and Sasuke is the Batter, the morally ambiguous main character.**

 **its free to download and play or you can watch a let's play! i highly recommend it for the story, the music, and the off-color (badum-tiss) characters.**

 **may expand on this, most prob won't.**

 ***a Luck ticket is a healing item**

 ***i know we don't meet cat!zacharie until later on, but for the sake of the fic, the batter has seen the notorious cat mask already :3c**

 ***blows a kiss to the sky* for the haters**


	7. Immediate Sclerosis

**Beautiful Gong Shim-inspired:**

 **Sasuke tries to hit on Hinata and ends up "spraining" his wrist in the process. At least she's the one nursing him back to health.**

* * *

"Is it really that hard to get Hinata's attention?" Naruto said.

When he'd asked Sakura for advice on the matter, she had laughed in his face.

Kakashi had dumped the first volume of _Icha Icha_ in his lap and wished him good luck. That only left Naruto.

For once in his miserable, people-hating, emotionally unavailable life, Sasuke wished he had more friends.

"Yes," Sasuke said through gritted teeth.

Naruto scratched his nose, dubious.

"I wouldn't ask you otherwise," Sasuke muttered, ripping a chopstick wrapper distractedly.

Sasuke hated his fascination with Hyuuga Hinata. He was still puzzling out why he had such a useless and annoying fixation on her.

It might be her big, creepy eyes. It might be her Hyuuga heritage in said big, creepy eyes. A shared fate of belonging to a prestigious clan yet being forsaken by it. A shared reason for moving out and living in the same shitty apartment building.

Hinata made her first impression by nearly dropping a flower pot on his head. The rooftop became his sanctuary, where she tended to the plants and he cat-napped in the sun.

Hinata always smelled nice. Clean and floral. Her long hair shimmered in the sunlight. She hummed in a soft tone, her movements as quiet and graceful as a ninja's.

It might be that he didn't find her eyes so creepy anymore. Nowadays, he found his brain waxing poetic, comparing her eyes to the beauty of two full moons.

He hated it.

"I dunno man, just talk to her," Naruto slurped his ramen. "Hinata's super nice. She'd even talk to an emo bastard like you,"

Sasuke flicked the balled-up chopstick wrapper at him. "And what would we talk about?"

Naruto grinned. " _Oh_ , I get it. What you need is an opportunity,"

"…I'm listening,"

He bounced on the stool with a mischievous gleam in his eye. "Like 'accidentally' bumping into her, or walking Kakashi's dogs to make her think you have a heart. Make an opportunity to talk to her,"

Sasuke resisted the instinct to push his best friend's face into his piping hot bowl of ramen.

"Let's see," Naruto rubbed his chin in thought. "For Hinata, I think she's the nurturing type, so you wanna create a situation where she takes care of you,"

His throat went dry. Images of Hinata in a nurse uniform came unbidden to mind.

"Take…care of me?"

Naruto nodded vigorously. "Imagine if you two had an accident and you got hurt. You could totally exploit her guilt and have her take care of you!"

Sasuke mulled it over in his head. Exploitation, emotional manipulation…yes, yes he could do it. This could actually work.

lllll

"Here's the plan. I'll ask her to pour me tea and then you'll bump into her and she'll spill it on me. Second degree burns,"

The gang was having a picnic. Naruto masterminded it to give Sasuke the opportunity to see Hinata.

Sakura's look was scathing. "You both deserve to get your asses beat for doing this," Her sigh was full of suffering. "Why can't you ask her out like a normal person?"

They fell silent as they both stared at Sasuke.

She sighed again. "Nevermind,"

"Alternatively, I can ask Hinata to walk with me and have Naruto accidentally push her down this hill. Then I step in and take the brunt of the fall while protecting her. Sound good?"

"Sounds horrible! There's no way I'm letting you put Hinata in danger just because you're too much of a dumbass to talk to her!" she hissed.

Sasuke nodded. "Then we'll go with Plan A,"

"Plan A!" Naruto cheered.

Sakura dragged a hand down her face.

Hinata looked a picture in a breezy sundress and a floppy hat. Sasuke stared unabashedly.

Naruto chucked his chin. "You're drooling, dude,"

It was time to put his plan into action.

"Hinata," Sasuke said. "Pass me the tea,"

"It's closer to Shikamaru than Hinata, though," Kiba said, shooting Sasuke a strange look.

"Shut up," He didn't need Kiba's stupid logic to derail his road to love.

"Here," The thermos went from Shikamaru's hand to Chouji's, then to Ino's, then finally to him.

He frowned at Ino. "I don't want it,"

Naruto muffled a laugh into his hand.

Weren't there any other food substances he could use to burn himself? The only thing close to Hinata was dessert. Fine. He clenched his jaw in frustration. Plan B then.

The others had gone to frolick in the water. Hinata volunteered to clean up, so naturally, Sasuke went to help her.

"Thank you," she said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

Her cheeks were pink and her eyes dropped when he met them. He curiously studied her face, which was turning deeper shades of red.

"Um, S-Sasuke?"

"Hm?"

"You're, um, holding my hand,'

"Ah," He'd thought the Tupperware felt…hand-like.

She chewed her lip as he continued to hold her hand. Sasuke glanced down at her

hand. "No ring. Good," he muttered.

"W-What?"

"Nothing. Wanna walk with me?"

As they passed the water, Sasuke tried to make eye contact with Naruto. The dobe was busy splashing Lee in the face. So much for a wing man.

llll

Hinata liked Sasuke. He was strange at times, but she'd seen his good sides.

Stray cats in the neighborhood liked to rub up against him.

He shared her little space on the rooftop.

He slept like a cute, sun-bathing cat.

His hair looked like a duck's butt, yet it still looked stylish on him.

His fashion sense was also strange, but yet again, he still made it look good.

He exclusively ate garbage microwave convenience store food and ate it with gusto.

Besides, Naruto and Sakura were friends with him so he couldn't be all bad.

What _was_ bad, however, was that her innocent observations of him had developed into a full-blown crush.

Sasuke stopped in front of a grassy hill. It had a nice view of the city.

"Nice view," she said, suddenly feeling shy.

Sasuke's eyes were on her. "Yeah,"

He also didn't like to carry conversations. Whenever she tried to spark a conversation on the rooftop, he answered with grunts or single-word answers.

"You have something in your hair," he said.

Then his hand was brushing past her cheek, into her hair. His face was close to hers - she could count each long eyelash, trace the chicken pox scar on his temple, and feel his breath on her lips. Her cheeks flamed red.

In one of the most humiliating events in her life, her Hyuuga instincts kicked in.

lllll

Sakura had no sympathy for him.

"You had it coming," she said, a touch smug.

"Plan B was a success!" Naruto laughed and doodled on the cast on Sasuke's wrist.

Sasuke hated his friends.

But Naruto had a point.

"I'm so sorry!" Hinata cried. "So, so sorry! I didn't mean to flip you!"

Hinata had come in after Sakura and Naruto's visit, bearing a gigantic fruit basket and endless apologies.

"I-I thought you were going to," She twiddled her fingers. "t-to…"

"Kiss you?" he finished bitterly. "Would you snap my spine if I actually did?"

"N-No! It was on instinct-"

"So you're instinctively disgusted by me?"

"That's not it," Her brows pinched together in distress. "Father and Neji-nii always told me to defend myself against boys,"

Sasuke twitched his fingers and winced. "Defense meaning flipping me and throwing me down a hill,"

Hinata dropped into the chair by his bed. "I'll make it up to you, I promise! D-Do you need me to help you with anything?"

"Considering I can't move my dominant hand, yes,"

After deciding that that was enough guilt-tripping, he pointed to his lunch. "Feed me,"

She pulled her chair closer. "What would you like first?"

"Soup,"

She peeked at him through her lashes and raised the spoon. "Say 'aah',"

"Aah," he deadpanned.

"Good boy! I-I mean," She blushed and averted her eyes. "S-Sorry,"

Sasuke fought off a laugh. "You got some on my chin,"

He tuned out her apologies and focused on how close she was. His hand raised involuntarily, maybe to stroke her hair. She didn't notice him as she sat back down.

 _Breathe, girl._ Hinata inhaled slowly. _Be still, my heart!_ If love felt like cardiac arrest, she didn't want it!

Sasuke turned his attention to the hospital TV. "Change the channel,"

"Y-Yes!" She stopped admiring his bad haircut and scrambled for the remote. "Tell me when to stop,"

They surfed past the news, a home shopping channel for voodoo dolls and other occult goodies, until they landed on a drama.

"Stop," Sasuke sat up, eyes gleaming.

"I-Isn't this 'You From Another Dimension'?"

He nodded, something close to a pleased expression on his face. "It's my favorite,"

She bit her lip on a smile. He was so weird. "I like the heroine's personality,"

"She's bold and glamorous, but with a hidden vulnerable side,"

Hinata giggled. "That's a good analysis,"

Sasuke puffed up with pride at making her laugh. "Ask me about the male lead,"

"Okay," She smiled. "What do you think of the male lead?"

She giggled again at the serious pinch between his brows. "He is jaded and stoic and doesn't let anyone into his heart. He keeps people away intentionally, but he's still lonely because of it,"

"Very good, Uchiha-san,"

He smiled, a slight curve on one side of his mouth. "I think I relate more to the heroine,"

Hinata blinked at him in surprise. "R-Really? I thought the cold, Byronic hero was more your type,"

"Not at all," Sasuke waved her off. "The heroine and I are both very fashionable,"

A nurse knocked on the door. He idly wondered what he'd have to break to guilt-trip a nurse into lending her uniform. For innocent purposes, of course.

Hinata wondered if she had imagined Sasuke leering at her.

The nurse eyed Sasuke's arm oddly. "You can go home now, Uchiha-san," she said.

Hinata looked at her in shock. "W-What do you mean? He sprained his wrist. Sh-Shouldn't he stay in the hospital?"

The nurse's confusion doubled. Before she could open her mouth, Sasuke quickly said, "I heal fast,"

Hinata fixed him with the most fierce look he'd ever seen on her face. "That's no reason to kick you out!"

"It's fine," Sasuke addressed the nurse, "I'll sign the release form now."

She nodded, puzzling over why he was wearing a cast when all he'd suffered from his fall were some scrapes and bruises. Any normal person would have more damage, but judging from his medical history, Sasuke was sturdier and more injury-resistant than most people.

Sasuke leaned his weight against Hinata. She blushed, supporting him with an arm around his waist. They walked through Konoha thusly, drawing more attention than she would have liked. Sasuke enjoyed feeling her soft body pressed to his and sharing her body heat. She smelled even nicer up close!

"Where are your keys?" They stopped in front of Sasuke's apartment. Hers was just downstairs.

He made a show of fishing for his keys in his pockets. "I must have dropped them somewhere,"

"Oh no," Her forehead creased. Her guilt increased tenfold. He was going through all this trouble because of her. "I-If you don't mind, you can stay in my apartment. I-I can search the park and the hospital,"

"Don't worry about it. I think left my keys at home," Sasuke lied. "I'll ask the landlord for a copy,"

She led him downstairs and into her apartment. It was tidy with bright, white walls and potted flowers lining the windows. More importantly, her scent permeated the space. It was heaven.

"D-Do you want the couch or the bed? You'd probably be more comfortable on the bed, if you're alright with that,"

Hinata dithered after setting Sasuke down on the couch. He watched her squirm as he deliberated.

If Sasuke was a gentleman, he wouldn't take the bed.

"I'll take the bed."

lllll

 **A/N: er..this is incomplete but i really wanted to put something up for Day 1 of renaissance week! Part 2 coming soon..hopefully**

 ***Immediate Sclerosis is one of The Judge's moves from the game OFF. It causes paralysis in battle…im revisiting my OFF phase hehe***

 ***You From Another Dimension is a reference to the kdrama "You From Another Star"**


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